Anniversary Weekend

This weekend is Adam and my 17th wedding anniversary, and it seems like yesterday I wore the beautiful white dress, danced the night away and then we went on an Alaskan cruise.  So much has happened in the 17 years both to us as a couple, as individuals, as a family and the world.

Back in 1997, there was no iphone and no texting.  Back in 1997 we didn't have a digital camera to bring to Alaska.

In 1998, we moved out of our rental apartment (in lovely Peabody), and purchased our current home.  We bought the house before we had kids.  We bought a cape cod style house, that was battleship gray, but it was ours.  We bought a house that had a 1970's kitchen and some extra pets - bats.  And that was the summer I got educated about bats.

And as life went on, we became parents (learned even more about bats), learned about parenting infants, toddlers, preschoolers, etc.  We had to find our own style, and how to teach our family about work life balance.  How to teach our kids that we are individuals but we are a part of this special family.

I am so fortunate for finding Adam, and for June 29, 1997, and for every day after that. . . . .  

Pancakes for Dinner

Last night it was just me and my daughter for dinner. . . . so we had BRINNER - Breakfast for dinner.  Homemade pancakes with real Vermont Maple Syrup

1 large egg
1 cup flour
3/4 c milk
1 T baking powder
2 T sugar
1/2 t salt
2 T canola oil
1 t vanilla extract

Beat the egg in a mixing bowl.  Add flour, milk, baking powder, sugar, salt, oil and vanilla.  Stir til mostly smooth.

Heat a large griddle over medium to medium high heat.  Pour some oil onto the griddle and heat til hot.  With a large spoon, pour around 3 T of batter onto the griddle.  Allow some room in between pancakes.  If desired, put four chocolate chips onto each pancake.  Cook until air bubbles appear, and then flip.  Watch carefully!

When the second side is finished, put on a plate.

Serve immediately.  We like real Vermont maple syrup on our pancakes.

School Shootings - How to Solve it Mom's Way

School shootings make me sick to my stomach.  Just say the names - Columbine, Newtown, and I want to cry.  School violence is horrible, whether it is shootings, knife fights, fist fights.  But how did we, the nation, get to this point?  I don't know.  But I can tell you, that the way to solve it is to take a holistic view of the nation, and not point fingers that it is because of the guns, or it is because of the lack of mental health services, or the stigma of mental illness, or society, or the lack of parenting, or electronics, or whatever. 

The problem is here, and we, as a nation, and the people of this nation need to solve it.  Before you go any further, the solution involves time and money.  Your time and my time and your money and my money.  I am willing to pay for it, because I can't continue to watch kids shoot each other.  Because I can't continue to watch kids cry that they saw their friend shot to death in school and because I can't continue to watch another mother/father/family member cry that they will never (never, never, never) see and hold a loved one again, who was under the age of 18.  I can't keep watching our kids be the victims of violence in SCHOOL.

Yes, we have a gun issue - and it isn't just a control issue.  Yes, people are able to get guns easier than I can get my son ADHD medication.  If you have a gun (legal or not), please, please, please don't keep your gun loaded and unlocked.  We need to teach all of our children never, ever to touch a gun without adult supervision.  We need to teach all of our children and teenagers that taking a gun out of the locked case is WRONG and DANGEROUS. 

Please lets teach our children how to resolve conflicts without violence.  Lets teach this at home, in the school, and our leaders of this nation (Congress) need to start solving all of our problems, without grandstanding.  We need to discuss the issues at hand and come up with solutions.  All politicians need to know that they aren't going to get their way 100% of the time, and without compromise our nation is losing the battle - the battle of unemployment, the battle of gun control, the battle of affordable health care, the battle of keeping state and religion separate.  For every issue there are many views, but we have to come together and solve these problems.

Having two kids in school, I can see that they are learning some AMAZING things, including how to work in groups together and how to solve conflict (at the mediation center in my daughter's second grade classroom).  However when the standardize test is weeks away, the schools start test prep, and there is NO conflict resolution teaching.  There is no discussion of a theme of a class read book.  It is test prep time, but that is another topic for another day.

We, the nation, not only need to make health care affordable and accessible, but that includes mental health.  Because I live in a wealthy community, I know of many health care professionals who had to stop taking health insurance because they rate of reimbursement was embarrassing.  One health care professional told me that she got paid $60 per hour from one health insurance company (with the patient paying $30 and the health insurance company paying her $30).  It is embarrassing that she has an advanced degree, but was getting paid $60/hr by the health insurance company, even though her expenses were greater than that because she practiced in Massachusetts. 

Other mental health workers that don't accept health insurance can charge $200/hour (session), and who can afford that - the wealthy.  Where does that leave the average Massachusetts worker?  With no access to mental health care.  If you are lucky enough to find a mental health professional, that accepts your health insurance, it could be months to get a first appointment.

In the meantime, the people that need the mental heath care are part of our community.  They need help, and some have tried to access it, only to be denied.  In Massachusetts, the number of mental health beds in the pediatric department across the state have shrunk to alarming numbers.  If we don't  help these kids, where will they go as adults?  If we don't pay for affordable mental health care now, what is the cost later?  The cost is not just dollars.  The cost is our children's lives.

We need to solve the school violence issue, but it just isn't the NRA. We all need to help solve this problem.  If the NRA went away tomorrow, we still have a problem with kids shooting (and killing kids) and that is our community's problem.

We, the adults, of the community need to solve this very real problem.

Balls in the Air

Well there are a ton of balls in the air!

Don't forget about the second grade concert!  - In the calendar.

Don't forget about the second grade portfolio Share!  In the calendar.

Find out yesterday that son needs white T Shirt for tye die on Thursday - figure out we don't have one, and I have no time to get one - "borrow" husband's white T shirt and hope no one knows.  Shhhh, my secret is safe with you.

Don't forget about the Brownie permission slip for the hike!  Done!

Don't forget to tell afterschool that girl won't be there on Monday due to hike - Done.

Don't forget to tell teacher that girl will be dismissed with Brownie leader. . . . WHOOOOPS!  Get email from teacher. . . .

Don't forget to attend Religious School Meeting on Sunday evening to find out about new program - Done!

Leave meeting feeling frustrated that there is not enough information, thus leading to schedule meeting with Rabbi and Educational Director - in process.  Speak to friends to confirm that being frustrated is okay and what to do about it. . . .

Start packing older child for overnight camp - stuff is gathering in box, have not gotten duffles out of basement, and still have labels to put on clothes - in process.

Call hotels for guests for Bar Mitzvah next year - find out preferred hotel is booked, working on second choice - need to get a tour - phone tag with hotel contact person.

Attend really close friend's wedding - DONE and had FUN!

Schedule Girls Night Out - when I have time I will find time to see my friends.

Move Bar Mitzvah lesson so boy can attend elementary school class re-union - DONE

Call overnight camp to confirm Bar Mitzvah lessons at camp. - ON LIST TO DO

Schedule tour of Museum to meet new contact person at museum for Bar Mitzvah - on the to do list.

Schedule call with caterer - on the to do list

Continue to ask husband what he wants for Father's Day and panic that shopping time is fading away, and wonder, where are those Father's Day cards that I purchased and had the kids sign . . . . .

Find hotel for summer vacation - WAAAAY down on the list

Find overnight hotel for our anniversary - whoops!

Reschedule Jury duty for time when NOT on vacation - DONE

Complete notary application for renewal.  - In process

Type up one year time line of Bar Mitzvah to do's. . . . get some wine and freak out  - so many small details that MUST be done.

Another article about stay at home parent vs two working parents

This article was recently published on the MarketWatch website:

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/why-stay-at-home-parenting-isnt-worth-it-2014-06-04?dist=beforebell

There is always an article or a study about which is better, two working parents or one working parent and one stay at home parent.  The first thing about this article that hooked me into reading further is that the author is a woman, and if they chose a stay at home parent, it would be the dad.  As much as I want to say there is a 50/50 split on the sexes of who stays home, in reality, I know ONE stay at home dad, and he is a fabulous stay at home dad.  The rest of the parents that I know, who have one parent at home, are women.  I am really trying to figure out a second family, but I can't.  I know of families that the dad has lost a job, stayed home and then returned to the work force, but as far as making the choice to be the stay at home parent, in my world, it has been the mom.

Why have two parents working?  Of course there is more income when two parents work, however part of that income is consumed with increased childcare costs.  Childcare costs money.  Quality childcare usually costs more money.  We sacrificed our family vacations, so that we could afford the best quality daycare in a daycare setting.  There is not a moment that I regret sending our kids to BITC, the best daycare in Newton!  And as our kids have gotten older, there are more options for activities, such as All City Chorus, All City Band, travel soccer, religious school to name a few.

Back in the Leave it To Beaver era, "father" worked for the same company for the majority of his career, and in today's world, that is less and less common.  In today's world people change jobs often, and often there are lay offs.  A lay off is bad for any family, however when one parent stays home full time, that lay off not only effects cash flow, but the ability to purchase "affordable" health care.  A few years ago, when our family went through the lay off of a spouse, we were able to purchase health care through the other spouse's company. 

One of the benefits of both of us working is that our kids see us balance and negotiate family responsibilities.  It is not all my responsibility to cook, to clean, to get the kids off to school, to pick up the kids, to shuttle the kids to activity to activity, grocery shop, pay the bills, mow the lawn, shovel the snow, run the errands, drive the kids to medical appointments,  and so on. . . .   Our kids see us negotiate, who can leave work early on Tuesdays to drive All City Band (my husband) and who can leave work early on Thursdays to drive religious school carpool (I do).  I do the cooking and my husband does the post meal cleaning.  We split the errands on Saturdays - I do the grocery shopping and my husband does the coffee bean pick up, the dry cleaning pick up and drop off, etc.  The kids see that not one spouse is responsible for everything.  We split the homework help.

Both my husband and I talk about our day at work, and when he delivers code on time, and when our business has signed on a new client.  We talk about my quarterly reports, and we talk about how those reports need to be delivered on time, and this is especially important when talking to a middle school boy - and turning in his homework and reports on time. . . . my boss expects reports to be done on time, and correct.  Real world lessons for the sixth grade boy living in my house! 

This article refers to a Danish study about kids whose parents both work and one who stays home.  "After evaluating the grade point averages of 135,000 Danish 15-year-olds whose mothers worked and whose mothers stayed at home, a research team led by Cornell University concluded that “maternal employment has a positive effect on children’s academic performance.” "  This was one of my favorite quotes, because in the back of my mind, I keep hearing that kids with stay at home parents do better in the long run and those in daycare don't.  This one line alone confirms that just because my house has two working parents, my kids don't lose out.  My kids know that I am not running a leftover lunch back to school, or a forgotten book to school.  My sixth grader knows he has to make the bus home, or wait an hour for the next one.  It has taught him that we all have to do our jobs to make our family work.  I believe my kids are better off because both of us work. . . .  and it was nice to read this article and its different points.

Blintz Fest

Typically on the Jewish Holiday of Shavuot, you are supposed to eat products made from milk and honey.  Because the holiday is mid week, and homemade blintzes take two hours to make, I made this past weekend.

My family can eat blintzes. . . . especially homemade ones.  It is like they are going into hibernation!

I use the Temple Beth El Cookbook for Swampscott, MA for this holiday.

The recipe is from Sarene Cohen, who I have never met.

BATTER:
3 large eggs
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 c flour
2 cup water (Cold)

In a blender, blend the three eggs and salt.  Then add the flour and water.  Pour into a large bowl.  I made TWO recipes of the batter.  (Separately, since my blender can't hold that much).

FILLING
1 pound cream cheese
1/2 pound farmers cheese
1/2 pound cottage cheese
1 egg
1/2 t salt
1-2 T of sugar (depending on taste).

Combine all the ingredients for filling in food processor and mix.  Set aside.

Melt 2 T of butter in small bowl.

For the crepes, heat a small non stick frying pan (8 inches) and brush with some melted butter.  Pour enough batter to cover bottom of pan, but it must be a thin layer.  Fry on one side until top is dry.  Flip upside down onto towel to cool.  Brush pan with melted butter, and pour more batter into pan.  If you make two batches of the batter, you should have 40 crepes.  As the crepes cool you can stack them (not directly, but set off from each other).

Once crepes are made, fill the crepe with 1 T or 2 T or filling.  Folder over like a burrito.

Put in greased Pyrex pan.

Continue til all 40+ are made.

Preheat oven to 350.

Bake blintzes for 20-25 minutes.

You can fry each blintz, but my family prefers the baking method.