Another article about stay at home parent vs two working parents

This article was recently published on the MarketWatch website:

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/why-stay-at-home-parenting-isnt-worth-it-2014-06-04?dist=beforebell

There is always an article or a study about which is better, two working parents or one working parent and one stay at home parent.  The first thing about this article that hooked me into reading further is that the author is a woman, and if they chose a stay at home parent, it would be the dad.  As much as I want to say there is a 50/50 split on the sexes of who stays home, in reality, I know ONE stay at home dad, and he is a fabulous stay at home dad.  The rest of the parents that I know, who have one parent at home, are women.  I am really trying to figure out a second family, but I can't.  I know of families that the dad has lost a job, stayed home and then returned to the work force, but as far as making the choice to be the stay at home parent, in my world, it has been the mom.

Why have two parents working?  Of course there is more income when two parents work, however part of that income is consumed with increased childcare costs.  Childcare costs money.  Quality childcare usually costs more money.  We sacrificed our family vacations, so that we could afford the best quality daycare in a daycare setting.  There is not a moment that I regret sending our kids to BITC, the best daycare in Newton!  And as our kids have gotten older, there are more options for activities, such as All City Chorus, All City Band, travel soccer, religious school to name a few.

Back in the Leave it To Beaver era, "father" worked for the same company for the majority of his career, and in today's world, that is less and less common.  In today's world people change jobs often, and often there are lay offs.  A lay off is bad for any family, however when one parent stays home full time, that lay off not only effects cash flow, but the ability to purchase "affordable" health care.  A few years ago, when our family went through the lay off of a spouse, we were able to purchase health care through the other spouse's company. 

One of the benefits of both of us working is that our kids see us balance and negotiate family responsibilities.  It is not all my responsibility to cook, to clean, to get the kids off to school, to pick up the kids, to shuttle the kids to activity to activity, grocery shop, pay the bills, mow the lawn, shovel the snow, run the errands, drive the kids to medical appointments,  and so on. . . .   Our kids see us negotiate, who can leave work early on Tuesdays to drive All City Band (my husband) and who can leave work early on Thursdays to drive religious school carpool (I do).  I do the cooking and my husband does the post meal cleaning.  We split the errands on Saturdays - I do the grocery shopping and my husband does the coffee bean pick up, the dry cleaning pick up and drop off, etc.  The kids see that not one spouse is responsible for everything.  We split the homework help.

Both my husband and I talk about our day at work, and when he delivers code on time, and when our business has signed on a new client.  We talk about my quarterly reports, and we talk about how those reports need to be delivered on time, and this is especially important when talking to a middle school boy - and turning in his homework and reports on time. . . . my boss expects reports to be done on time, and correct.  Real world lessons for the sixth grade boy living in my house! 

This article refers to a Danish study about kids whose parents both work and one who stays home.  "After evaluating the grade point averages of 135,000 Danish 15-year-olds whose mothers worked and whose mothers stayed at home, a research team led by Cornell University concluded that “maternal employment has a positive effect on children’s academic performance.” "  This was one of my favorite quotes, because in the back of my mind, I keep hearing that kids with stay at home parents do better in the long run and those in daycare don't.  This one line alone confirms that just because my house has two working parents, my kids don't lose out.  My kids know that I am not running a leftover lunch back to school, or a forgotten book to school.  My sixth grader knows he has to make the bus home, or wait an hour for the next one.  It has taught him that we all have to do our jobs to make our family work.  I believe my kids are better off because both of us work. . . .  and it was nice to read this article and its different points.