Thursday, June 20, 2013

Dreams For My Daughter

Right now my little girl (who is seven years old) is into pink, purple, sparkles and make-believe.  I want her to enjoy her childhood, but I also want her to grow up into a smart, confident, responsible, healthy and happy adult.  (Nothing like dreaming BIG).  I look at her and see how smart she is, and how much she loves school.  She is a great reader and is able to do the cancan in the newspaper on some days.  I want her to grow up and become what she wants.  Right now, she either wants to be a teacher, a veterinarian or a hair stylist.  Whatever she becomes I want her to be happy.

 I want her to love math and science.  Her dad is a big math and science guy.  I enjoyed science, and did well in math (without loving it).  I want her to try science and math things, and not be intimated by the boys in her class.  She is smart and she can do it.  I don’t want her derailed because she is the only female in the science or math class or club.

I want her to succeed!  I want her to earn every dollar that a man would earn.  I want her to choose something that makes her happy.  I don’t want her to think about when she becomes a mom . . . . she wouldn’t be able to  . . . . the world is hers.  I want the world to treat her fairly . . . both in raises and compensation, but also to describe her using words that are gender neutral.  I want her to rise in her career.  I want her to succeed.

 Of course, I also want her to get married.  I want her future spouse to share the household responsibilities, just like I do with her dad.  The list of our chores are at the bottom of this blog post  And if she chooses to be a stay at home parent, I want her to be happy with that decision.  It will be her life and she needs to decide what will make her happy.  In today’s world many families have two parents working, and that is okay.  It is also okay to be a stay at home mom. 

 Because I work, we don’t follow a “traditional” role of tasks.  We split the chores depending on our talent and skills.  No one person could do it all (and I am in AWE of single parents who can do everything on the list, because they don’t have a person who can share it.)

 I am very lucky since my husband came into our marriage knowing how to do laundry and keep a clean house.  I know many women that marry men who expect them to do all the household chores.  It is my belief in a house with a married couple, the jobs should be delegated according to time available and talent.  Just because a women stays at home does not mean she inherits all of the chores, because there is no way one person can do it all (and be happy).  In a home with two working adults, the duties need to be split, but also the spouses need to talk about expectations.  In our house, it is acceptable to a certain level, to have clutter on the coffee table. . . except when company arrives.  Before then, I go around and clean off the coffee table, and hide items in my bedroom (shhhh, I know you won’t share this with anyone).

My husband and I communicate openly about the roles we play and the skills we bring to the household. 

What Dad Does
  • Write the checks for the bills
  • Clean up after dinner
  • Trombone practice with older child
  • Dry Cleaner – drop off and pick up;
  • Purchases presents and cards for his side of the family
  • Gets kids off to school and camp
  • Chief Technology Officer (Computer, Zune, Music, Cell Phone, Camera, etc)
  •  Chief Music Officer
What Mom Does
  • Makes dinner and breakfast
  • Makes and snacks lunches for all
  • Contact for Financial Planner
  • Contact for CPA
  • Chief paperwork coordinator (for camp, for after school, for taxes, physicians, official records)
  • Coordinate lawn mowing with teenager
  • Coordinate with baby sitter
  • Coordinates most of the social calendar
  • Chief grocery shopper and meal planner
  • Purchases presents and cards for her side of the family
  • Picks up kids from school and camp
  • Coordinates doctor’s appointments
What we do together
  • Empty the dishwasher
  • Start the laundry
  • Fold the laundry
  • Assist children with shower
  • Shovel the snow
  • Rake the leaves
  • Empty the trash
  • Bring out the recycles
  • Fill the bird feeder
  • Bring children to library
  • Bring children to medical appointments
  • Coordinate car appointments for own car
  • Set the budget

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