Lean In - Commentary

The buzz words of “Lean In” are all around working women, and “Having it All.”  Many women choose to return to the workforce after the birth of a child, and many other women must work after giving birth.  It is not a choice.  Others leave the work force permanently, or take time off.
 

While growing up, I lived in a traditional household, with my dad working, and my mom was a stay at home mom.  We lived in a neighborhood with many stay at home moms.  But I knew I was going to college, and I knew I was going to pick a job.

I remember when I first got pregnant; my mom really wanted me to tell my 90+ year old grandmother about the pregnancy.  I wasn’t past my first trimester, and I really didn’t want to tell people, including my own grandmother.  One of the reasons was that my own grandmother did not support working mothers.  She had her own thoughts on how working mothers and the American mall were destroying America.  I didn’t want to have that conversation with my very strong grandmother, then and for the next 6 months while I was pregnant.  My grandmother left her job, and raised two children, helped my grandfather succeed in his career and volunteered at many non-profits.

Sadly, I never had to have that conversation.  I went to the OB shortly after the conversation with my mother, and found out that the baby had no heartbeat, and was gone at 12 weeks. 

Ten months later I found out I was pregnant, again.  This time, I had no choice about telling my grandmother about the pregnancy.  The day I found out about my pregnancy, was the day of my grandmother’s funeral.

I am proud of how I live my life.  I juggle my home life (husband and children), volunteer work and my professional life.  Do I have it all?  No, but I am happy, and that is too important to not mention.

Thinking back on my decisions that I made in college, I did think that I would be a stay at home mom.  However, my career changed from educator/teacher to legal assistant/funding coordinator/client service at a law firm.  I also found out that I really liked working.  My husband and I had the conversation about me returning to work while we were expecting our son.  We decided that if I was truly miserable as a working parent, we would think of a way for me to exit the work force, and try to balance our financial life with that decision. 

Returning to work after my son was born is something that was difficult to do.  Dropping him off at the amazing daycare center with amazing teachers became part of the routine (for my husband).  Because I had worked for the same attorney for the previous 6 years, I was able to work four full days.  I know that the attorney struggled on Mondays when I was not in the office, but I really enjoyed my mommy days and I really enjoyed working.  After the birth of my daughter, we tried to continue that model.  However, as my children grew, working four days 30 miles from the home was difficult. 

 I found a new job, but in order to make myself look like a more desirable employee my husband and I decided that we would put our daughter into full time daycare.  I found a job.  I found a great job, that I really enjoy.  I found a job that my supervisor understands that my days and nights are not spent in the office.  He understands that there are parent teacher conferences, band concerts and other events in my children’s lives that need a mommy. 

 I have also found that while I am not climbing the corporate ladder to become CEO of a large company, I am at the top of the ladder of my family.  My children see me and my husband at dinner, nearly every night.  My children see that I cook dinner, while my husband cleans up after dinner.  My kids share their opinions about politics, sports and life with me, face to face.  I am the co-CEO of my house.  My kids know that my husband and I make the decisions together.  Both kids are expected to bring out the trash, and my son knows how to do laundry, because we taught him how to do laundry.  While, my current career will never bring me into the president’s chair, my kids think I could be President of the United States, and that I would do a great job.  My son’s reason for this is that he can come to me with a problem and we solve the problem together.  He thinks I could do that for the country.  I am so happy that he has that confidence in me.

In a later post I will write about women equality in the workplace and at home.